yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
