You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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