The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
