I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
