i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize