I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Randomize
