That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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