Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
