i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
