I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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