Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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