It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
So apparently I’m into choking now
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