You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
