Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
