big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
