Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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