...so i touched it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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