I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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