The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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