We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
