areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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