Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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