I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
