Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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