I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
