It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
