Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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