I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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