fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
