I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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