A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
