I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
wow bdsm is so cute
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
