as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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