Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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