Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
