my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
