I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
