you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
