Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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