I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
