i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
