I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
