i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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