No stitches, just platelets and will power
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
