i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
