My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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