Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
