hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
