I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
3pm strippers are depressing
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
