i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Randomize
