were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I think I am morally bankrupt
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
