I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Michael Bay diarrhea
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
