Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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