I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Holy shit dude........stairs
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
