i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
