I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize