i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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