just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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