My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
