I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
