hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
