he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
