dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
