She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize