I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
