the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
