Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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