So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
