This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
