Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
