please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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